A longing

You know its human tendency to overlook what we have and instead long for what we can’t have… and sometimes in the process you hurt others who don’t deserve to be hurt by you.

Here’s my next poem…

A longing.

Glancing outside my window,
I can see the moon shining.
Even though I should be happy,
Somehow inside I’m whining.

I hope it didn’t hurt much,
When you tripped at the last bend.
I’m sorry I couldn’t help you up,
Guess I’m not a good enough friend.

Try as I may,
But I still can’t be with you.
It hurts me inside,
That you still have no clue.

Wish I knew some trick,
To mend your broken heart.
I can just hold your hand,
If you try to make a new start.

Maybe I can’t get you,
The things you actually want.
But I’m giving you all I have,
Please don’t remain nonchalant.

I know how it feels for you,
Those tears also wet my eyes.
Just that no one can see them,
Like stars in the sun-lit skies.

How long do I have to wait,
For feelings to get built up?
Tell me, is the wait in vain?
Should I simply give up?

You don’t always have,
The things that you really like.
The lack just makes you blind,
Messes up with your psyche.

You ignore the gifts you get,
Tell me isn’t it unfair?
The love, the happiness,
Could be someone else’s share.

Someone who knows how to return it,
Who knows its true worth.
Someone who treats it as,
The most precious thing on earth.

You never know what you have,
Not until it goes missing.
Do u think it’s wise to spend,
The rest of your life reminiscing?

-Chandra Sen.

Scared to be alone.

Its funny the kind of creativity being pissed off brings out in me but I can never thank God enough that there’s also someone who cares for me enough to be patient with me and calm me down as well :) I’m not the best person to be around when my tempers sky high but I’m glad I’ve got someone who’s ready to take the risk.

Anyways here’s the poem that I came up with when I was feeling all angry, low, lonely…

Scared to be alone.

Such a cold misty night and I’m sitting at home all alone,
Need to talk to you now, but can’t reach you on the phone.

You know when its night, every sound seems loud and clear,
As if the silence speaks to me, tells me that you’re right here.

I’m feeling a little uneasy, as the clock strikes midnight,
I look outside my window, on the street, not a soul is in sight.

Try to divert my mind, grab the remote, turn on the stupid TV,
Reminds me how much I miss you, thanks to this silly movie.

So I surf through the channels, nothing holds my interest,
Sigh! “Idiot box indeed!” I turn on the radio instead,

I look for some good music, twisting and turning the dial around,
Can’t believe my luck, miss you more ‘coz of the song I’ve found.

Don’t know if it’s magic, or if Stevie Wonder actually knew,
I’ve actually been trying to call you, to say that I love you.

Its hard to be this lonely, don’t want to miss you anymore,
A sound disrupts my thoughts, a slight knock on my door.

With fears n doubt, running all over my mind,
I approach the door, and guess who do I find?

A tall dark figure, with their face hidden under the hood,
I wondered if this was my end, in front of me he stood.

He raised his arms towards my neck, could tell the time was due.
The peace I feel now in this clinch, oh honey, it knew it was you.

-Chandra Sen.

Things you'll never know…

Its hard to spend too much time apart from the one u wanna be the closest to... You wish for just one moment to be with them... but it just doesn't seem to be possible... and you wonder if things are right. A lot of questions in your head, a lot of doubts. It’s frustrating when things don't go your way and you can't have the only thing you want... Makes me wonder if we want it so badly just because we can't have it? One of the few things which are hard to explain...

My next poem is about some of those feelings that you can’t quite express, and the nagging doubts that you can't deny...

Things you'll never know…

Its not that I don’t miss you,
If only you could read my mind.
You’d know how crammed it is,
Your name is all you’ll find.

Its not that I don’t care,
But I can’t just show you how.
Coz our worlds are way apart,
Can’t be with you right now.

Its not that I don’t love you,
The words fail to make an impact.
Its not that I don’t mean it,
It’s just an unacceptable fact.

Its not that I can’t see you,
All I need is to close my eyes.
I can see you right in front of me,
But something inside me dies.

Its not that I don’t feel you,
You’re the air I breathe in.
You make me feel complete,
As you touch my soul within.

Its not that I don’t trust you,
It hurts down deep inside.
It’s not the things you tell me,
But the things you try to hide.

Maybe I’m expecting a lot,
Maybe I should stop dreaming.
Maybe I should get back to reality
Maybe I should stop living.

-Chandra Sen.

Being in love with pain

Okay guys, I know this one's gonna sound a bit crazy and weird... but hey my posts come with an invisible statutory warning for all those things :P

Anyways here's the poem...

Being in love with pain.

Do you know how many nights,
I’ve spent without your sight?
With the distance looming over me,
The chats, the kisses, despite.

Don’t yet wanna drift off to sleep,
How these sleepy eyes I betray!
Meeting in my dreams is a gamble,
Awake, in my thoughts, you stay.

The only moment I long for,
The only time I feel alright.
The moments convert too soon into,
Long hours deep into the night.

I love falling asleep,
Listening to your sweet voice.
Makes me feel all cozy,
The love I’ve found, I rejoice.

But the fears keep on creeping,
Mounting on in my mind.
Today I’m thankful you’re here,
Tomorrow I may not find.

You know I would be shattered,
If someone stole you from me.
Sorry ‘bout this insecure feeling,
Think you know this about me.

Don’t know what future holds for us,
The unknown can seem pretty dark.
This love maybe hindered by the distance between
But for you, will it still leave a mark?

Knowing that I’m probably,
Not the one that you desire.
Unaware I seem, to be walking,
Whether you take me low or higher.

They say love is a lot like madness,
And lovers are called insane.
But we still love, even if it hurts,
Being in love with the pain.

-Chandra Sen.

Deep Love :)

Heres an attempt by me to define something impossible.

Deep Love.

You never notice the small things,
Like drops of dew on the grass.
You don’t notice till it’s too late,
Don’t let these moments pass.

It’s just a moment to be lost in,
When you sense around their scent.
The feeling of being afraid of the dark,
Of hiding away in a cozy tent.

It doesn’t make you weak,
In fact it is your strength.
It’s only the path you choose,
Nobody can measure its length.

The weirdest feelings you have,
Things you fail to explain.
When missing someone is a pleasure,
And not just a seething pain.

When being together is a blessing,
You can give anything to hold forever.
Kills you to not have them next to you,
When the distance overrides your desire.

When your thoughts are unclear,
And the answers dishearten you.
The only voice that cheers you up,
Is the one that believes in you.

You never know what you’re capable of,
You fear the questions and the doubts.
Only they have the power to see it in you,
And to help you bring them out.

It’s not a game you play,
Coz it hurts when you fall.
You bleed till you can bear,
To recover again is your call.

You can look for it everywhere,
You can travel far and wide.
But the search never ends,
Until you look deep inside.

It’s been inside me always,
Just that I never knew.
All these mean LOVE to me,
Only since I met you.

- Chandra Sen.

This is how the story goes…

This is one of those loved and lost stories. When it takes 5 years to gradually build a relationship, going from acquaintance to friends to best friends to love, the bond grows stronger and runs so deep, that if things don’t work out as expected, even 5 months is too short a time span to get over it. Don’t know how many of you will agree with me on this point.

You know I thought my previous poem would be the last one I ever wrote but here I am with another one. My fifth :)

And this is how the story goes…

Lost but not found.

The day I first saw you,
Never knew we were meant to be friends,
Didn’t take us long to get started,
Walk together as the road bends.

How can I forget those laughs?
Those talks, the pranks and the cards?
The evenings we sat on your terrace,
Counting the planes and the stars.

Never knew those precious moments,
Would bring us someday so close,
Time seemed to be rushing past me,
Making me wish that it froze.

I still fail to define it,
But my friends said I’m in love.
I can tell they weren’t wrong,
I swear on the stars above.

Every moment I spent with you,
Has been a feeling beyond bliss,
Just the thought makes me tingle-
Beneath the stars, our first kiss.

And the times you put your arms,
Around and pulled me closer,
I knew in your arms is where I,
Wanted to be lost forever.

Long hours on the phone, late at night,
Made me smile and comforted me,
But then you started to care lesser each day.
That hurt, baby, couldn’t you see?

Never thought it wasn’t meant to be,
Why do good things not last long?
I cry for the times you took me for granted.
Tell me, wasn’t that wrong?

What do I do with these feelings?
Suppress them or just hide?
I probably shouldn’t see you or even talk,
You know, I really tried.

I’m trying to pretend I don’t love you,
Pretend that I don’t care,
But it only reminds me how much, I need you,
When I see you standing right there.

I’m sorry I didn’t give you a second chance,
You know, I was kind of scared.
I do wonder sometimes if things,
Would have been different had I dared.

You don’t wanna lose me so,
You want me to be a friend and stay,
I can’t yet live without or with you,
How will it work for me this way?

Fading memories don’t let me forget,
The way I felt for you.
Moving on is a painful journey,
I wish I never knew.

I’m striving to end this chapter,
Accept I’m not made for you.
You know why it’s so damn difficult?
‘Coz I’m still in love with you.

- Chandra Sen.

Hiya folks! :-)

I’m sorry it took me so long to update my blog… and thank you so much for missing me all this time... believe me, I missed you too… after all you are very, very special to me… one of those few people who read my blog each time I update it… thank you so much for sticking with me :) :P

Well I have been away for quite a while but not been upto anything interesting. So you see that’s the reason for the lack of any response from me all this while… It’s been more like “All work and no play make Jill a dull girl…” But I’m hoping to have more stuff to share with you soon in spite of my non happening routine which m sure is gonna be as bugging as this very post...

It’s not like I won’t have any work to do apart from keeping you posted on my pathetically dull life… In fact I have a lot more work than you can think of… have exams coming up too, so wish me luck too J and pray to God to expand the hours in a day, so I can devote more time to entertaining/disturbing you ;) :P