Here's what's happening around me just before 3am. Sure I know it's an odd hour and I should expect odd things, but I'm trying to still be rational here. So here's a bunch of texts I sent out and thought of sharing my first words as is...
[08/02, 02:39] Chandra Sen: For last 30 mins my French window has been rattling abnormally for a couple of seconds multiple times.
[08/02, 02:40] Chandra Sen: Kept freaking me out.
[08/02, 02:40] Chandra Sen: My first thoughts was it's a ghost or something but then I tried to be sane and told myself that's not real. So in a few minutes my windows rattled hard again. Still freaking the hell out of me. Then I thought could it be a burglar but then I've got bars on the balcony. No-one could get up and in on the third floor. Then with subsequent rattling I could hear thunder and strong wind.
[08/02, 02:41] Chandra Sen: Checked the weather app on my phone. Didn't make sense. Wind is at 1km/hr and no thunder or rains but a clear sky.
[08/02, 02:42] Chandra Sen: Finally assuming it may be some aftershocks of the weather in the North, I decided to sleep
[08/02, 02:42] Chandra Sen: Till i heard my dad calling someone and then him yelling at someone.
[08/02, 02:43] Chandra Sen: Turns out some of the men from the building were out on the road. I thought it might be an earthquake.
[08/02, 02:44] Chandra Sen: But they said there has been a cylinder blast. If that's true there must be at least 5 cylinders that blasted and can't be too far away. I'm surprised why I don't hear the firetrucks.🤔
[08/02, 02:44] Chandra Sen: Something doesn't feel right
[08/02, 02:45] Chandra Sen: The only thing that feels normal right now is the non stop screeching of the owls outside on the opposite building.
Do you think that's odd too? 😄
.
.
.
Here's an update in the news about 6 hours later. Turns out there were 7 consecutive cylinder blasts last night. That confirms the mystery of the rattling window.
What do you generally do on a quiet afternoon? Count
yourself normal, if you said you like to sit on the couch with a nice book.
Count yourself lazy if you said you couldn’t have enough of napping. And count
yourself as the weirdo if you said you were wondering if you’d be able to spot
a UFO in the sky on a cloudy day in your city!
Talking of the cloudy day, doesn’t it feel like the weirdest
monsoon this year in India and especially for us Mumbai-ites. And I don’t mean
the obvious. I mean of course I know we all are locked up at home for most part
of this disastrous 2020. But have you thought of all the little things that
makes Mumbai beautiful this season and how it was taken away by the tiniest of
the monsters? All thanks to You-Know-Who. Not Lord Voldemort, you Potter-heads.
Although, come to think about it, I wont be surprised if Voldemort turns out to
be the last disaster that shows up on this planet, given the way this
marvellous year of 2020 has been so far… Say on Christmas eve, imagine an eerie
green light in the night sky. That would be one hell of a bone chilling disaster
that even the greatest astrologers, who predicted the end of the world, wouldn’t
have envisioned… I just got totally carried away, didn’t I? Coming back to what
I was talking about… all thanks to, let’s just call it, You-Know-Where! :P
I kinda realised what makes monsoons beautiful and my
favourite of the seasons, in spite of the hassles it creates for the suburban
life. Who can forget the flooding of the train tracks and the 4-5 hours long
drive back home from work on a waterlogged day? I know you all are imagining
the nightmares you have faced in the past years. But tell me didn’t you miss…
…the walks at Marine Drive
…getting drenched under a waterfall at Lonavala over the
weekend
…the long walks at the National Park
…hanging out at Bandstand
…the random bunking of classes and going to Juhu Beach
instead
…snoozing the morning alarm repeatedly to stay cozy in your bed
a few extra minutes
…the weekend trip to a water-park with your friends
…the freedom to work from home for a change
…the long drives on the Mumbai Pune Expressway
…the planning of those trekking trips with your gang
…the thrill of rafting at Kolad
…enjoying that cup of coffee on the balcony with your better
half
…the extra cuddles and kisses as the weather lifts your mood
Now you get the drift, right? I am sure you have a similar
list of your own. And now you’re cursing You-Know-Where while you think of the
things that you have missed in the last 5 months.
Let’s hope we move past this situation soon and I hope you
continue to stay strong through this. With the fear of sounding like a grandma, I still wanna spell it out loud... tough times don't last... you know the rest! Stay safe, everyone!
Don't you feel like you're on a lucky streak when you win the top line in a game of housie within 2 minutes of the start of the game? Suddenly the adult in you who thought “this game is so lame” starts becoming even more alert to hear the next numbers in spite of being dizzy after those 5 pints of Budweiser, and the child in you keeps screaming “Yay!” and whispering “touch wood” each time under your breath while softly touching your head.
For those who don't know what a “touch wood” is, let me elaborate… a “touch wood” is a gesture that we Indians make to break away from any kind of jinx. More like “nazar na lag jaaye.” Now you must be wondering that it's strange we touch our own heads instead of something made of wood while saying touch wood. Well that's simple, we all Indian kids grew up hearing our mothers yell at us, “why can't you study and get good marks in spite of taking extra private tuitions” and then our father's throw some light on the subject “bheje mein bhusa bhara hua hai is ladki ke!” “Absolutely right Dad! I was born with straw (equivalent to wood in this scenario) instead of a brain. Now did I inherit that from Mom or you?”
Anyhow, so where was I?… oh yes, “housie”. So after the top line, in another couple of minutes you win the 4 corners… “Yay!” …”touch wood.” Now you have won 2 five stars lying in front of you on your table and with everyone else eyeing them devilishly. Then you remember what your friend at work said the last time she caught you eating chocolates alone “akele akele kha rahi hai, pet dukhega” and you've been brought up with values that teach you to share. “Damn you society!” So before you know it, you've already "shared" the whole of your hard earned prizes. Now don't tell me it wasn't hard earned. I'll see how easy it is for you to figure out the right numbers to punch on the housie ticket after 5 pints of beer.
As you part with your dear five stars you realise that you are better off by not adding those extra calories to your hips. See now that's again that boring adult in you giving you more crap. You should have just listened to the little child in you and had those five stars right away even before they reached your table from the prize table. Be selfish!
Finally after the 6th pint, you attain enlightenment, kind of how Buddha attained enlightenment sitting under that tree, except you were sitting in a corner of the terrace, high on stuff I can't name here ;), that there was no point in being a nice girl, sometimes it's more fun being the not-so-nice girl and just give in to whatever your heart wants, chocolates, the latest iPhone after selling your kidney, that Bangkok trip with single or non single friends ;), that last drink or fag, dumping that crappy boyfriend, the walk in the rain without an umbrella, that indecorous date, making that sacrifice for a close family, the jump with a bungee, that solo Ladakh trip… I'm sure you've got the theme here. The adult in you will eventually figure a way out like make you hit the gym for some extra time as a consequence to those five stars. And suddenly life felt all sorted out on its own :)
After all, when you're old, you won't regret the things you have done, as much as the things you never did ;)
P.S. I had no intentions of disrespecting anyone in this post. If I have hurt your feelings in any way then please... keep it to yourself! :P
Now that I have your attention, I should clarify I'm not going to tell you my sad story of how I lost money in London. I'm going to tell you the secret to losing weight. Tips that no one tells you but, man, they work as hell. Excited? Yeah, so am I. I know with the beginning of the New Year and with a lot of you making resolutions about getting slimmer, you'd be pleasantly surprised to know that I'm not selling you any shady diet plans. All I ask is do you have the adventure in you to pick up any of the following?
1: For the Elite - Have you, the chubby SoBo-ite, ever wondered how that NoBo-ite at your work or college manages to stay slim always? I'll tell you how. All you have to do is catch a Virar local everyday, twice a day- a south bound train before you head to your destination and a north bound train before you get home. You will get better results if you catch the train and drop off at a random station such as Mira Road. Since you won't get any place to even stand on your 2 feet (forget about getting a seat), you'll get a good exercise just standing there and there's also a complimentary body massage in it for you. Darwin got it right, it's the survival of the fittest. As you learn to survive the ride, you'll grow fit along with losing weight.
2: For the Finance Professional- You are the blessed one. All you have to do is excel at your work and meet every compliance deadline there is to meet. Those late night sittings at work, the skipped breakfasts and dinners, the mental pressure of completing the work, the anger of the pissed off family who barely sees you, all of these are a blessing, believe me. 31st March closings are perfect time. You can start your warm up from Feb and by the time you reach the due date for filling the annual returns your non finance colleagues are going to be jealous of the inches you lost. That's not all, you can try this at other times of the year as well. 30th June for the MNC employees, 17th October for the listed companies, 30th November for all others, 15th January for the VAT Audit, ...SOX compliance, Internal Audits, oh and did I mention all year round Tax Assessments. You'll be the slimmest looking person in your company getting the employee of the year award. Two birds with one stone.
3: For the Cheesy Chicks: So you have a loving boyfriend who adores you? Just perfect. All you have to do now is break up with him. Surprised? Well, hear me out. When you break up, you'll be too sad and heart broken to eat anything at all. Ditch all those people who say you should eat ice cream to make yourselves feel better. They are only jealous of you and don't want you to look pretty. Think about it. How could you indulge or even have an appetite when you are mourning your lost relationship. Just accept the heart break and give in to your lack of appetite and you'll be in better shape for the next boyfriend. And this benefits both you and your ex boyfriend. Wondering how? Read on.
4: Bira Blonde: This one is my favorite. Not the weight loss technique, the beer. All you need to do is check your weight in the morning, have 4 pints of Bira Blonde in the evening and check your weight the next day morning. I guarantee, you will have lost at least a kg. And this is how you will be helping your ex boyfriend. He could be getting sloshed post breakup and losing weight as he drinks up those pints, thinking of you. If you need company to try this one, I'm available.
5: The Last Resort- If nothing else works, adopt a little baby. As the naughty little one grows, you'll be exercising all day long, picking up his toys, cleaning his mess, running all over the house to make him eat, keeping an eye on him all the time and not to forget, the sleepless nights. You can repeat all these exercises every 2 hours. You'll also have little time to feed your own self while you're at it and you'll soon get to be the hottest mom at his school. This one is the toughest but also the most fulfilling.
With these secret tricks, I wish you all the luck. I'm sure you will achieve your weight loss resolution. And even if you don't, hell, I'm not giving you any money back guarantees here. Try at your own risk. But when you do see the wonderful results, send me your before and after pics and I'll make you a celebrity right here on this blog.
I should start with a disclaimer for all you perverts who's first thought after reading the title was about getting laid. Stop reading now! Others please go on.
Here's a question that all of you will have a positive answer to. Have you ever had a falling out with a close friend? I know you have, so quit lying to yourself. It's not like you need to be Raja Harishchandra. Now here's the more pressing question... Did you get back together with that friend? Guess not, huh?
Did you ever wonder why? When I ask why I don't really want the dirt on your pal that you are dying to bitch about to anyone who asks. What I want you to think about is what stopped you from making things right. If your answer was that the son of a bitch stole your girlfriend then I can't help you there buddy. But if you feel that even 10% of it was because of your EGO, then we may have something in common there apart from the God gifted good looks ;-)
Not 4 months ago I went through the same thing. With not just one friend but a whole bunch of them. It's taken me a lot of time and efforts and whole lot of money (my Company's) to make me realise what a stupid thing that three lettered word can be, especially when you team it up with ASSumption. You don't have to completely blame yourself because more often than not, it's a two laned street.
But do you know how frigging easy it is to get past it? No, I'm not suggesting you go kill someone, you psychopath! In fact I'm talking of a plan that takes way less efforts and planning, but yeah, it could take you the same amount of courage. I've come to realise that we all need to discover the Sanjay Dutt inside us, not the one who shelters fugitives or gets high on drugs (okay, it's your personal choice, whatever man!), but the one from Munnabhai MBBS. He kept harping about the power of a simple "jaadu ki jhappi", but people like us always manage to ignore it's magic.
A simple 10 seconds long hug can make everything go away. All the hurting, all the misunderstandings, all the b***hing, all the bickering, basically all the bad things that end with an"ing". And yes, it takes courage to approach and get that HUG. Funny, how a simple three lettered word can beat the shit out of a complicated three lettered word.
This one goes out to all my friends in my office, whether you count me as a friend or not right now. I feel like giving special thanks and mention to the one person who made it possible - JD, and you know why. And a big hug to Sandy for making everything right. I just feel like I've been a fool for the last few months, instead of talking it out, I just shut myself up. To make things easier I might just put up a sign on my desk which says "Feeling down? Get a FREE HUG now" as part of my personal CSR ;-)
Let me know what you think of this idea. And stop waiting for the seasons to change, go out right now and get that friend back.
A disclaimer - this post is not for those who swear by the local trains, nor is it for those who have their own vehicle (although if your vehicle has any more than two wheels, I totally understand your pain). Also this post will teach you what to expect on your joyride at which points in time so that you know what you are getting into, especially during the monsoons.
So you thought you've had a brilliant day at work, didn't run into any troubles, didn't get whipped by your boss, didn't get a dozen calls from your girlfriend asking you what you had for lunch, didn't get any calls from the wife instructing you about the grocery list to bring home in evening,... Don't you think God is being peculiarly good to you today?
Just when you thought you could proclaim yourself as invincible, there God was smirking at what he had planned for you. Very casually you bid farewell to your mates in office at 5:30 pm just to make them jealous that you got to leave early. You stepped out of the office thinking I'll take a cab straight to home. With barely touching the peak hour traffic you could make it in an hour and fifteen minutes. You would get so much more time to spend at home with your little one. I completely see your point, nothing should have gone wrong with this brilliant plan of yours.
5:35 pm you are out on the road hailing a cab. Each one stops to hear you but keeps moving on. And you thought they would never refuse to take you since it's a long drive.
5:55 pm you have covered the entire 500 meters radius around your office but there's no cabbie willing to take you home. Dejected you start walking towards the train station. God thought that won't be fun. So after 25 steps towards the station, you magically get a cab.
6:10 pm you cross the sealink and meet the traffic jam awaiting you near Kalanagar on the Western "Express" Highway. However, you are still hopeful this is just till the Kherwadi signal.
6:45 pm you just crossed the Andheri flyover. Your cabbie says, Madam I can't go any further, my back hurts and I'm running out of gas. Can I get you another cab from here. You think it's fine as long as you get another cab or auto.
7:00 pm your cabbie takes a hard cut at Jogeshwari into the service lane promising you will get a cab here. You being the victim of the situation have no choice but to continue having faith in him.
7:30 pm your cabbie is unable to get you an alternate cab, auto or even a shared taxi. Not even an AC bus. All along it continues to drizzle while you are carrying your office provided laptop on your back. If it rains any heavier, forget about going home, your worry will be how to manage the home loan EMI when they recover the value of the laptop from your salary.
7:45 pm there's a private bus passing on the highway which is willing to take you till Borivali. After being stranded for an hour you would have even taken a ride with Yamraj on his Ox. So you jump in with some hope of reaching home before midnight.
9:30 pm you pass over the Borivali National Park. You realise this bus could take you a couple of kilometers further. So you stick back with it.
9:45 pm before you realise it, the bus takes the exit right before the Dahisar Check Naka. You quickly jump off and now you have to find an auto in the pouring rain. You continue walking towards your home while hunting for an auto but can't find one. Suddenly there's a car honking right behind you, adding to your annoyance. "O Madam!" yells someone. You turn around to see an auto wala calling out to you. Him and his current passenger took pity to your plight and decided to drop you home. You thank your stars that you didn't have to walk 4 km all the way home and swear to become a champion at commuting in virar locals for as long as you live in Mumbai.
If you reached till the end of this post, I'm sure you will think twice before taking the road even on an off day.
Continue watching for this space for more commuting guidelines.
So when you voted for the BJP in April 2014, did you really think that your “Achhe Din” would start right from the day Mr. Modi takes his oath? If yes, then Who The Hell Are You Kidding!!! There are already so many people talking about the damn “Achhe Din” not being anywhere in the visible future, so I don't want to add to it directly. However, I think our country's infrastructure should be a big concern for Mr. Modi. Especially in the financial capital of the country.
I know I can't keep complaining only about,
1- the overcrowded local trains (be it western, central, harbour or even your metro “skyride”),
2- trains running slow because of water logging on tracks (yes Harbour walas, I totally understand your plight),
3- the poor traffic management (your so called “Express” highways which have traffic running slower than your neighbourhood galli),
4- the roads that take months to repair and have broken down within one heavy shower (read Dindoshi flyover),
5- the inadequate BEST bus service (yeah, you should be ashamed of calling yourself “BEST”),
6- the AC buses which often break down on the road (and that includes all you AS-70, AS-2, AS-74 and all your cousins too running on the eastern express side),
7- The auto walas who refuse to go by the meter (and then you expect us to be okay with their damn fare hikes? So that they can now off-the-meter demand more as well),
8- the cabbies who only want to go if you are travelling 30 km or more (and what creative excuses they can come up with – my back hurts, my cab is low on gas, I have to change shifts, run off to show you that he’s going to get his friend to pick up your fare, will go only if you take sealink – as if he’s going to pay the damn toll, and so on…),
9- the increasing tolls for roads that grow miserable with every passing season (and I don’t see the money I pay getting utilized for fixing the broken roads, yeah I am going to support MNS on this one, although their little act was just for the freaking elections where they didn’t win a single seat – do your act the whole year round and you might just get lucky next time Raj),
You see the list keeps on growing on its own.
I just don't understand what the hell am I paying taxes for – that's not just Direct but also Indirect (for you Mr. layman, Direct means Income Tax/TDS and Indirect means VAT/Service Tax, Excise, Customs and the lot). I don't think it's worth slogging a whole 10 hours in office and another 5 hours just to travel to and back from the slog-house. You have no way out because even in your dreams you can't consider getting a house close to your office. So you end up stuck in the above daily commuting woes (all those of you who are lucky to inherit your father’s house within the city limits, please be generous enough to have your colleagues crash in too).
If the Prime Minister could read this, I'd like him to know that it's not about having your picture in the newspaper everyday. It's about building your country, every region with total fairness. Develop other cities, give companies tax breaks to encourage them to move, take off the burden of ever increasing population from the local trains in Mumbai and its roads. Give a chance to those remote villagers looking to fulfill their dream of making money in the city of their dreams, just change the city of their dreams to some other town instead of Mumbai. Give a better choice to these people living under the flyovers and on the footpaths of Mumbai. I have never seen so many slum dwellers in Kolkata or even Delhi. I finally see what my friend “PP” meant when he suggested there should be visas for moving between states.
If I have to continue spending more and more time commuting with every passing day, at this rate, I'd rather be a full time mommy than an employed professional. And if my boss is reading this, how about a full time work from home option? I'll forego the salary I spend on conveyance. I'll even add half the time I save on commuting to actual productive work. The appraisals are right around the corner. Think about it.
Before I proceed, I'd just like to let you boys/men know that this may not be a topic you particularly like. But of course if you want your girlfriend to look like a pretty doll without burning a hole in your pocket, you may wanna read on and let her know about my blog too.
So what is the one thing that we girls worry most about our body or looks? (Ok boys, you are not invited to answer this question, because I'm not taking about something that grows in pairs). As for the girls, no I'm not taking about the tyre around your midriff... Think above the midriff, (boys, still keep your mouths shut), I'm talking about the hair on your head. Yeah, that's right!
We girls worry so much about our hair that we loose a ton of them just plain stressing about them. And I know this even better because I have a crazy cousin who has twice as much hair as me and thinks she's going bald. Just to reassure you my darling little sis, you look beautiful the way you are.
Anyhow, I know a lot of you girls swear by the Livon n Sunsilk 9 to 5 solutions. So I'm here to open your eyes to something that's 4 times better (don't ask me how I measured!) I'm taking about the Brillare Hair Serum. One of my cousins gifted this bottle to me and man is it effective! Makes Livon look like plain water. Thanks Dee. And you need to take my word for it because this is coming from a head full of dry, curly, frizzy, thin hair that also swears by anti dandruff shampoos. Once you apply this, you can expect soft hair for the next 4 days without spending on hair treatments at some salon (There you go boys, that's your money saving tip)
Wanna know where to get a bottle? Well, google it yourself. They are not paying me to sell their product, so you have to go figure yourself. And boys, we live in a metro sexual world, so having soft, smooth hair won't hurt you either. In fact, your girlfriend won't be able to stop herself from running her fingers through the remaining hair on your head ;-)
If you do manage to get your hands on a bottle, do let me know if you agree with me... Wish you all girls, Happy Hair Days till the end of eternity! Posted via Blogaway
Don't know about you guys, but I'm sure excited about monsoons returning to Mumbai. To me this is the best season of the year in Mumbai. Just love watching the rain even if they don't let me get wet in the rains. For some reason I just think it's too beautiful.
Don't you just love the sound of it, like a buzz that's so cheerful, the scent of the wet earth, the people running about looking for shelter, the kids splashing about in the puddles, the fun of having chai n some garma garam pakodas, the tiny droplets coming through the window kissing your cheeks, the boys playing football (don't you think it's only because of the FIFA Fever), the frogs croaking (makes you wonder where did they come from, were they hibernating for the last 9 months!), the street people fishing in the gushing gutters for those fishes that look like eel (yeah more you know why ur parents told you to avoid eating fish in the rainy season), every morning you hear the same "8 bajkar 20 minute ki churchgate local aaj radd kar di gayi hai. Aapki asuvidha ke liye khed hai" (and you wonder if they are really regretful or are they just sadistic!), you finally get to bring out that umbrella from your closet.
You wait all week just for the weekend so that you can finally get that car out and drive up to Lonavla, just to realise the entire population of Mumbai and Navi Mumbai also did the same, and now you are stuck in traffic for 8 hours standing still without even getting close to Lonavla. Would be a shame to tell this to your friends, so you pack yourself a box of chikkis from the food court on the express highway on your way back, whenever that happens, so you can brag about your Lonavla trip to your colleagues while they munch on those evidential chikkis. And just imagine you are walking down the road in the beautiful rains holding the umbrella tight in the wind, and a car passes you by speeding away to it's destination, oblivion to your existence, and the next thing you know, you are all wet in the muddy water it splashed everywhere... Yeah that's monsoon too for you chhatri-owners. You might think for a split second of being oversmart and bringing the umbrella down to your side to save you from the splutter of mud, but the rain gods were watching the puny you, and they wanted to have some fun, so you see you were too late to implement your smartass idea. And now you are headed to office in dirty clothes. What a shame!
So don't blame it on my monsoon, it's just not your day!
I know you all must be wondering what is it that I have been upto and about all these years (I know, its just 3 years, but I swear I feel like it's been a whole decade since 2011, when I was still a kid, a Potter fan. So let me try to catch you up with what you have been missing blissfully.
Let's begin. I've changed the job - from STAR to VISTAPRINT,
changed homes - Goregaon to Mira Road,
changed mode of commuting - bike to car,
changed my glasses - from a desi one to titan eye,
changed mode of commuting again - car to local train,
changed my family - (no I didn't get rid of my husband, u creep) added a member, my baby boy!
changed my hair style - curly to straight,
changed my weight - 58 to 84 to 76,
changed my phone - Samsung to blackberry (yeah that's a demotion),
changed my mobile network - loop to Vodafone,
changed my..... Ohhh you are still looking for more? I thought you'd have had enough and would be on the verge of destroying whatever device you are reading this on.
In case you really haven't had enough then come back soon. For all others, yeah you have all the info to follow on from here...
A cousin of mine recently started blogging and even bumped into this link. She asked why'd I stop blogging? Come think of it, its not like I had a smartass answer to it. So I blamed it all on the damn job.
If only there were going to be audits conducted on this blog! And even if there were you can be sure to end up answering so many questions that you'd actually wanna quit again. Damn all the chartered geeks!
So anyhow I'm finally back again on public demand! And I know there's a bet going on somewhere out there that I'm not gonna hang around here for more than a week, I'd still tell you to take the odds, who knows you might just turn into a millionaire *wink wink*
Harry Potter 7 part 2 - nice film. Not good enough to be worth the baseless 5% extra demanded by the multiplexes though. no humour angle in this film unlike all the previous ones. Just 3 scenes in 3 hours that make you look at the big screen with awe.
The 3D experience makes it worse. the top of your nose is hurting and you can't see clearly through the dark heavy tinted 3D glasses. In case you didn't know you also stand a good chance of contracting conjunctivitis while you try to enjoy the film.and all this suffering just so you can watch only the subtitles in 3D effect. Not kidding here. This movie would be best enjoyed in 2D.
Here's an idea for warner brothers, release the film simultaneously on Dth platform for pay per view. I'll pay 200 per view or even more to avoid those ugly 3D glasses. Won't you?
No matter what holidays the State Government declares some of us less fortunate ones have to work even on the day when the rest of the city is enjoying a day off in order to do their part during the elections. This is why working for a CA firm is not fun... Just to clarify on my boss’s part it’s not his fault either. Back to blaming the Central Government-quarterly returns, the corporate clients who remember to file their returns only on the last date and while we're still playing the blame game, how can I miss out on the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India for poor passing percentages such that every article in my firm is on study leave, reappearing for the papers, which seriously brings down the number of people actually working in my firm. Besides being a senior you can have no escape. And so there I was destined to go back to work once I’m done with casting my vote and go home only once the work is done.
I reached my polling centre at around 11am and was surprised to see the queue extending beyond my expectations. If I wanted to enjoy the day off by leaving early, getting in the queue wasn't going to help. Besides I don't even live in the ward I was voting for. God alone knows who deserves to be voted for. Which most of the times is neither.
Thus, I put my evil mind to work. I remembered the Article 49-O of the Constitution of India doing the usual rounds of forwarded emails. For those who have forgotten about it, this Article (and not Section) gives one the right to vote for neither of the persons on the list of candidates. I had a feeling this was going to be my window of escape. Little did Mr. Ambedkar know that years after he drafted the Constitution there'll be one civilian would use it to wrap up her right to vote (more like a duty towards the country now-a-days) all the time justifying herself since she didn't know anything about any of the candidates, it would be only fair that she vote for none of them. So let’s see if they'd let me jump the queue and be done quickly.
What followed was surprising. I approached the Polling Booth Assistant’s desk. Told him about my intentions. The man was all confused. The 1st thing he enquires about if I was a freaking journalist. When I said no he thought to himself I must be just trying to hide my identity. He asked for some ID. The one day I decide to take some “panga” I forget to carry any ID except for my railway pass! No Voter ID issued but thankfully my name was on the list of people registered to vote. Never had he heard of this Article 49-O nor had he ever heard of anyone visiting the poll booth to vote for nobody… “Why come down here if you don’t want to vote is what they kept asking?” That’s when I realised that none of the people responsible for the arrangements had any idea what the law says. Nothing different from the ignorant people standing there to vote and I particularly felt bad for the elderly. Having no intensions of being part of the mess I might be about to create he conveniently directed me to the Zonal Polling Officer.
I expected to meet an old chap like any other government official but to my surprise this guy looked not much older than me. To get an edge I tried to speak in a bit of a legal lingo that I wanted to exercise the rights granted to me under the Article 49-O of the Constitution of India. He didn’t know what the Article provides so I explained in simple words. At least he understood I wasn’t here to play a prank. I got to say the guy didn’t try to make it any harder for me. He simply took me to the right hall, told the guys there what special procedure to follow in my case in very clear terms. I was impressed. I tried to get back in the queue to which he said no need just get in between. Oh! Was I loving this special treatment! And mission accomplished. Didn’t even have to waste time standing in the long queue.
But as I mentioned before, all the rest of the officials had no clue what the Article 49-O says and they think even though a person who can actually quote the Article number being an ordinary citizen could not know more about elections than they do. This is exactly why I had done my homework before entering the polling booth. So in spite of clear instructions they had to be retold what they were supposed to do by the journalist in disguise of an ordinary citizen. Someone who comes to vote but doesn’t vote for any one, while the rest of the people in the queue just keep on staring at who the hell is this girl cutting in between the queue while they have to keep waiting in line. At least I got mine. By the way all this took nothing more than 5 minutes. And I even got to call myself a responsible citizen :P All in all quite an experience for a first timer.
Busy day at work, gallons of stress and your petite little brain wants a big break. Sounds familiar? Yes that pretty much describes my status at 8pm everyday.
Worried about what’s gonna happen tomorrow if I don’t stay up and complete the report before the client meeting tomorrow, there I was, in a Virar bound from Bandra. Cozily seated on a window seat (only the ones who commute to work everyday by train can understand the achievement getting a window seat is K), beside a lady with a cute little daughter who wanted to have everything being vended in the compartment (Yes, this happens in Mumbai. From snacks to cosmetics, to books, to clothes, you’ll find anything you need while you travel. Great way to save time though…), merrily reading the latest Dan Brown, The Lost Symbol (please forgive me for supporting piracy Mr. Brown), on my new Windows Mobile (which was the best I could get after I lost my 3 months old express music phone, a Birthday gift from my sweetheart, which surely must have disappointed him… I’m still sorry about the loss baby L), little did I know that God had some other plans for the evening when he kept my boss busy in discussions while I kept getting late for home & ended up taking the train I usually don’t.
So it happened when I was somewhere around Chapter 45 that this lady with the cute kid almost faints off her seat. Now I being the lame person I am, had little clue about first aid or whatever is required to be done that moment (wonder why they don’t teach us that in school?) All I could do was stand up and offer her the seat so she could lie down, which somehow got misunderstood by the kid!
Now I gottta say, this is the 2nd time in my life that I have been glad to travel in a ladies compartment. Some of these women were actually generous enough to spare some water, cadbury gems and things like that for the ill lady which didn’t go well with the kid ‘coz no one was giving her any candy.
I was hoping desperately that she’d recover ASAP but God knew it wouldn’t be worth this blogpost and so her condition kept getting only worse. Figured I should inform her family. I called her husband at work as she barely mumbled out his number, only to be greeted with a yell “Jaldi bolo!!” which I did.
Anyways since she stayed at the same suburb as I did, I figured, I’d help the lady get home with the kid and her baggage intact. No one else was ready to help as it seemed. And this is where I hate the women in the same ladies compartment who were distributing sweets a little while back. Stone-hearted snobs!
So I somehow managed to get her off the train. Thought I’d get her something sweet to sip on to get her blood pressure back on track. Now here’s what the Railway Minister forgot to add to her budget. A snacks counter on the platform. The only counter at the station was all the way on the other platform at the other end of the station (are the people who want me to vote for them at the elections next week listening?!!) & climbing the footbridge and getting a juice quickly with a heavy laptop bag on my back, at a time when my own blood pressure wasn’t at its peak, wasn’t going to be an easy task, now was it? All I thought was lemme try my best & I’m sure God would pay be back the very next day at the meeting when I don’t complete the damn report.
The best I could get was a chilled bottle of a mango drink. Thankfully she had enough strength to have some of it, which slowly got her to stand up again on her foot with some support from me and climb the same huge over-bridge to get to the road with little breaks after every 37th step. All she kept repeating was her place is too close to the station & she could walk it up. Yeah right!
At this point, guess who pops up in my head? My dear sweet Mom. If I were so ill she’d never make me walk till home even if it were 100 feet away. So being the sweet person I can be once in a while, I did the same for this woman. Caught hold of the closest autowala outside the station and got him to drop us off at the other end of the block. At this point I’d like to thank God for sending this other lady to our rescue.
Got to her building only to realize that she lived on the top floor of a building with no elevators & no neighbours. The mangola must have been a good choice ‘coz she managed to climb up to the top floor and get to the couch.
I felt more relived than her to know we made it. For once helped someone greatly in need. Felt like a better person. Thanked God. Stood up to leave when.. whoa!!.. felt my own knees wobble under my weight. Had to sit down again , worried about all the people who would be trying to reach me at 10pm on my bettery-starved-switched-off-phone.
Finally gave her my number so she can thank me in leisure when she’s better & came back home.
I’m writing this post right now still worried about my unfinished report. Now here’s where I’m hoping for God’s grace & a payback for helping out a total stranger. I know you’re thinking I’m such a meano, expecting favours in return for helping someone, but you see CA’s are taught not to invest where the Return on Investment is 0 or negative in this case. This should give you an idea why all CA’s are “kanjus”! :P
Ever since I cleared my CA Final, the one thing that everyone asks me is when am I getting married. Like that’s all that there is left in my life. Slog all your life, clear highly competitive professional exams nicely, then get married and have kids and then live off your husband. When the wannabe in-laws ask you, “beta, how far have you studied?” you’ll at least be able to list higher qualifications than their petite son. So here’s a boost to your inflated ego, you are way out of the league for most guys out there. Isn’t that something to be proud of now?
Marriage is an 8 letter word (and I don’t really mean it’s spelled as b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t, you jerk!) it actually is! Go back to the word and count the number of alphabets. Anyways, I’m not here to take English lessons but hoping that there would be someone who identifies with me on the following…
The whole procedure is so overwhelming and treacherous. If it’s arranged like my cousin’s, you’ll drive the poor parents nuts while you simply enjoy the teas and lunches with your potential significant others.
…And if its love, right from the day one when you meet them and fall in love till the day you actually tie the knot, is a risky business. First you notice all the good stuff only, coz after all love is blind, partially, and doesn’t like to wear contacts or glasses. Then you love them so much that you’d do anything to make them happy. And then there are the unwanted characters in the story who try to bring a twist in the tale. This can be anybody from your next door uncle to your special someone’s next door aunty (including the aunties-and-uncles-in-law)… nosy people. They all deserve to be cursed like Pinocchio.
Then there is the state of commitment where the love has gained sight in one eye after a laser operation (ok, now don’t grab my neck for non fruitfulness of the treatments I’m suggesting here, in case you’re blind, I’m not an ophthalmologist.) So now you can see things a little clearer and things are still good till you are handed over a To-do list and each item on it is going to take you months of learning. Now you start questioning Bobby (apni innocent si Dimple, from the movie Bobby, yaar) who told you, “pyaar me sauda nahi…” if she was kidding you. The silly girl knows nothing about real love!
Now you feel like it’s a scheme followed by a tiny asterisk with a small note attached “terms and conditions apply.” You’re probably okay with this hidden clause because, admit it, you’re still a little sightless. But if you have an ego the size of a dinosaur egg, theses terms and conditions will be fulfilled as long as they are taken with a pinch of love. Trouble is not everyone is good at negotiations :(
But I guess in the end marriage is still an 8 letter word which is spelled as b-l-i-s-s-f-u-l :) Just keep the extras from playing the match if they have no team-spirit.
People have been asking me to update my blog… believe me I wanted to do the same but was too afraid I‘d end up boring you with my boring life. So I had decided to keep mum till I had something interesting to share with you all. But then again its too hard to deny my fans of what they want :P
My days have been so damn busy after passing CA. Once u pass everyone’s perception towards you changes instantly. Till you don’t pass and someone asks you a question, it’s acceptable if you say I’m just a CA Final student, I don’t know the solution. But the day you become CA they all expect you to know everything. Like passing gives you super human brain cells that can store 1000TB of data and the entire 1000TB must always be at the tip of your tongue. Unfair, isn’t it?
And then if you’re still an article like me with more than 6 months of articleship pending, boy, are you going to be in a sorry state! Ever since January I haven’t had a single holiday except for a couple of Sundays in a month and no bank holidays or anything. And I’m expected to deliver quality working 6 days a week for 12 hours each day! Do I look like I have a metallic body and a face as glowing as an LCD monitor? Even if you say yes, I’m still not a computer.
I think I’m grumbling a little too much so let me show you the bright side of being on the greener side… I have a qualification that makes people who are even older than me look at me with respect and I actually get to bully them around (Sshhhh! Don’t mention to my boss though that I do this to our clients ;) ) and I also get my own laptop (the wreck of a personal computer at my place is worth tossing in to the garbage bin) and I get to write blog posts when my clients forget to print up the documents I’m there to pick up (Don’t mention this to my boss either :P ) and the best of all my cousins look up to me and my parents are proud of me forever and so are my grandparents, uncles aunts, grand uncles, grandaunts, pets, neighbours, neighbour’s pets, the local stray dogs and cats, the cockroaches in the kitchen… you get the picture right? I had to save myself before the wedding proposals started flooding in and so, I did. I now get to be with the guy picked by me and not by my parents without anybody questioning the choice. Life’s all set, even though it feels like a little too soon. But then isn’t it an achievement to get everything you want at an early age?
Day before the result. Too nervous to speak or do anything else. Running out of ways to stop thinking about the possible doom awaiting me and hoping against hope it will turn out to be Dhoom and not Doom. Spent the whole afternoon watching the movie Lakshya. It’s a good movie as far as the growing up of Hrithik’s character is concerned, all the while bargaining with God to make me a CA so even I can feel like a mature kid. If He thinks I don’t deserve it, then at least grant me one group, any one, just one. I just didn’t have the courage to do it all over again. I’d never have the same tempo again. One movie wasn’t enough. Went down to the neighborhood DVD parlour, got a 6 in 1 DVD, watching as many movies as I can, doing everything I won’t be able to from the very next day… if God didn’t grant me this wish…
I had to keep myself occupied so that I don’t go nuts thinking about what’s gonna be my fate the next day so I saw all the 6 movies back to back. Of course, feeding myself felt exactly like the opposite of a basic necessity for survival. The nervousness made food seem nauseating. Sleep was a privilege I couldn’t quite enjoy. Don’t know when and how I managed to fall asleep while waiting for the climax after a few hours. I mean mine, not the movies’
“God, please don’t make me cry, I’m such a sweet little creation of yours, I think giving the exam itself was a test in itself. Please give me positive results. I can’t handle a failure. You made me, you know that about me. Please, please, please….”
As usual did the 1st thing I do after I half-open my eyes in the morning, even before I put the toothbrush in my mouth, turn on the computer. I try chatting with a friend. Still can’t get the tension out of my mind. A few minutes were how far my fate was. And then the friend said the result’s out online. I still remember going numb at the drop of the “R” word as though it was the end of the world. Don’t think I’ve ever been this scared of anything. Took me a few seconds to get over the numbness and open the website.
Too afraid to look at the monitor as the marksheet downloaded. Opened my eyes. Group 1 – looked at the bottom of the screen, “PASS”. “Thank you so much God for granting me at least one group” :) Scrolled further down… Group 2 – looked at the bottom of the page “PASS” Suddenly something went wrong in my head like an unexpected output. I redo the same thing. Check again. Group 1- PASS, Group 2-PASS. I have passed both the groups. Scroll back to the top of the page and check the name on the marksheet. It certainly reads Chandra Sen. So m not looking at anybody else’s marsheet. I have passed CA Final. “OH MY GOD!” “I’m a CA!” Couldn’t believe I’d got everything I have ever wanted. THE feather in my cap. “THANK YOU so so so so so much GOD! Cant really thank you enough for answering my prayers, for giving me everything I could ever ask for”
5 seconds later I realize it’s time to come out of shock and celebrate. I screamed out in my squeaky voice, “MA!” Mom, who was cooking in the kitchen came in running after my scream, thought I suffered an electric shock from the computer. I barely got the words out “I’ve PASSED!” I jumped to the phone to call up every family I could reach, no matter how distant and which state or country. This was the best thing to ever happen to me. Spent an hour simply jumping all over the house, dancing and prancing like a monkey, with the phone stuck to my ears, talking to everyone I could think of. Didn’t know what to do, how to show how happy I was inside… too much to express and just a pair of eyes and a small mouth! This is what being on top of the world feels like :) Have you ever felt it? If yes, I’d like to know the reason behind it.
Once my exams are over you cant possible expect me to sit idle at home or get right back into the rat race, which in my case has to be something better than rats, so lets call it a cat race… And with my brand new Canon Powershot A590IS which by the way was a gift from the US of A by my dear old friend Kalpesh (yeah buddy, the mention would have been incomplete without thanking you… so thank u very much for keeping the amateur photographer in me alive, that’s the best thing I could ever ask for :D) I couldn’t wait to start exploring the world around me…
Starting off with Bangalore… The best part of the trip for me was the dinner at Ebony. U guys have to go to this place and in the evening. And make sure u get a seat out on the terrace. The view of the city from the 13th floor of the building is awesome (Thank you very much Deep)
Next stop Shrirangapatna and Mysore. I was thrilled to be at the battle field where Tipu Sultan fought his last. And of course the Lord Vishnu temple. All I could think of was, “Oh God, please please please please make me pass the exam and I’ll be grateful to you forever.” Next was the Mahinshasur temple. Once again, “God, please please let me pass the exam.” After that, the Saint Joseph’s Cathedral. The same ‘church’ that you saw once upon a time in the movie ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’ “God, please have mercy, All I want is to pass. Please.”
Next stop home sweet home-Kolkata. It’s always nice to be back with the family, the cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts, grand uncles and grand aunts, the maids, the neighbours, the street dogs… did I miss anyone out? Talking of missing, of course I miss my cousins a lot. There’s never a dull moment with you cousins around… I miss you guys a lot :(
Up next was a little hill station Ghatsila, Jharkhand. It’s for those who are tired of the same old Digha and the likes of it. On the way back we stopped by an ancient temple, 300 years old. Once again, “God, please let me pass in the exam.”
Next stop Guwahati, another one of my cousin’s place. Had fun, out all day at a beautiful mountain-top resort, Bramhaputra Jungle Resort with family and friends. Don’t go by its name, it was the most beautiful resort I’ve ever been to. Spend the whole day fishing, boating, pony-back riding, ropeway, etc. One other day I went to the Kamakhya temple and of course asked Kamakhya Ma to get me through the exam in one attempt and make my family proud.
Next up was the capital of the state of Meghalaya, Shillong. At 0 degree my tiny little brain was too frozen to think of anything else and the hill diarrhea attack didn’t make things easier for me. Otherwise it’s a beautiful place, a hill station and the teens there seem to be fun.
Back in Kolkata I tried to make the best of every holiday my cousins had. Been to the Victoria Memorial Hall and the place looks beautiful when you’re out on the lawn, sadly, the locals converted it into a lovers point. I guess that’s inevitable for every historical monument in this country and the huge population *Sigh* Moving on with my life… spent my days watching movies at Forum Mall, shopping at City Centre, munching on crispy chicken at KFC, visiting the Netaji Bhavan-that’s Subhash Chandra Bose’s House. Spent a lot of time out with family and my German resident friend Chirag (in case you’re reading this… Hi Buddy!)
Next trip Krishnanagar, my uncle’s place, about 200 or so km away from Kolkata (I maybe understating the figures here) I had fun playing with the pet dogs in the lawn. We also had a big puja in the in-house Tara Ma’s temple. I prayed really hard this time so that I clear the exam in one go and make everyone I know happy.
The date of the result was catching up with me as evident from the gradually vanishing joy on my face. Wanna know what happened next? Wait for my next post.
It’s been a really long time since my last post. 8 months to be precise. And unless you are an ardent follower of my blog you wouldn’t have been wondering if I were accidentally eaten by a bear at the zoo or drowned during a white-water rafting mishap or the more likely- preparing for my exam of CA Final-Attempt no.1. I’ll continue to update you of my whereabouts any which ways.
To be honest, after the previous post I did come up with a couple or so more poems but they were a little too personal to be made public on a blog. Sorry my dear fans! :P And apart from that I haven’t really been upto much else except studies which was kind of the last thing on my mind as I mistook my study leave for a long term vacation ( Please excuse me here God.)
So 3 months into the “vacation” the seriousness of the mighty exam dawned upon me. But then I was ALMOST late. July went by with a bit of sincere studies. August brought my badi mausi home. September brought along Durga Puja, the most important festival in the otherwise vain year of any Bengali, the one time when all you wanna do is go shopping with all the money you have been saving for the rest of the year, get new clothes, accessories, shoes and of course jewellery and then show it off to the envious aunties and their daughters from your neighbourhood or compare, conspire and compete with your family and friends to earn the title of the Best Dressed One on the evening of Navami... all in the name of celebrations. So you see, there is no time to study.
October saw a host of guests at my place almost forcing me to pack my bags and run away from home. After all it’s October and I still haven’t completed costing, financial management and haven’t even touched income tax. Only a miracle can save me next month in the exam, the likelihood of which seems remote. I decided to follow what Lord Krishna said to Arjun before he went on to the battle i.e. the Bhagvad Geeta, “Karm kiye ja, fal ki chinta mat kar” and so I did.
Oh did I forget to mention the Diwali celebrations? Firecrackers et al even at 2am. Somebody go tell those pea-brains that a few other wise-cracking owls in the neighbourhood have CA exams after a week. And if those owls don’t get through the exam then those pea-brains won’t survive to celebrate the Republic Day. And don’t even get me started on the series of illnesses – Exam ke side effects! And as the date of the exam kept getting closer my appetite kept on diminishing. I lost 5kg in 2 weeks that too sitting at home. Bet you’re jealous now. Well, don’t be. Rather thank God that you’re not one of those unfortunate CA examinees.
Finally the D-day was there, the day of the 1st paper. I was all set with my writing pad, pens, well cleaned spectacles to cover up my sunken eyes surrounded by pretty dark circles, shivering hands, a dizzy head and wobbly knees. And it’s not just us, even the mothers suffer from serious hypertension. After the 1st paper I was almost shattered. That should give you an idea of how good the paper was. The 2nd one wasn’t much different. The only bright side (if at all there can be one) was that after 2 papers I had managed to get the nervousness out of my system but only till the income tax paper. Once that was done I couldn’t wait for the last paper to finish and the 1st thing I do is hit the closest movie hall to celebrate THE END OF TERROR and the beginning of my super-wonderful-travel-trip-filled vacation. Wanna know more about it then check out my Photo Albums on Orkut.com and make sure you’re on my friends list to get access to all 17 of my albums or wait for my next post… See ya!
