Day before the result. Too nervous to speak or do anything else. Running out of ways to stop thinking about the possible doom awaiting me and hoping against hope it will turn out to be Dhoom and not Doom. Spent the whole afternoon watching the movie Lakshya. It’s a good movie as far as the growing up of Hrithik’s character is concerned, all the while bargaining with God to make me a CA so even I can feel like a mature kid. If He thinks I don’t deserve it, then at least grant me one group, any one, just one. I just didn’t have the courage to do it all over again. I’d never have the same tempo again. One movie wasn’t enough. Went down to the neighborhood DVD parlour, got a 6 in 1 DVD, watching as many movies as I can, doing everything I won’t be able to from the very next day… if God didn’t grant me this wish…
I had to keep myself occupied so that I don’t go nuts thinking about what’s gonna be my fate the next day so I saw all the 6 movies back to back. Of course, feeding myself felt exactly like the opposite of a basic necessity for survival. The nervousness made food seem nauseating. Sleep was a privilege I couldn’t quite enjoy. Don’t know when and how I managed to fall asleep while waiting for the climax after a few hours. I mean mine, not the movies’
“God, please don’t make me cry, I’m such a sweet little creation of yours, I think giving the exam itself was a test in itself. Please give me positive results. I can’t handle a failure. You made me, you know that about me. Please, please, please….”
As usual did the 1st thing I do after I half-open my eyes in the morning, even before I put the toothbrush in my mouth, turn on the computer. I try chatting with a friend. Still can’t get the tension out of my mind. A few minutes were how far my fate was. And then the friend said the result’s out online. I still remember going numb at the drop of the “R” word as though it was the end of the world. Don’t think I’ve ever been this scared of anything. Took me a few seconds to get over the numbness and open the website.
Too afraid to look at the monitor as the marksheet downloaded. Opened my eyes. Group 1 – looked at the bottom of the screen, “PASS”. “Thank you so much God for granting me at least one group” :) Scrolled further down… Group 2 – looked at the bottom of the page “PASS” Suddenly something went wrong in my head like an unexpected output. I redo the same thing. Check again. Group 1- PASS, Group 2-PASS. I have passed both the groups. Scroll back to the top of the page and check the name on the marksheet. It certainly reads Chandra Sen. So m not looking at anybody else’s marsheet. I have passed CA Final. “OH MY GOD!” “I’m a CA!” Couldn’t believe I’d got everything I have ever wanted. THE feather in my cap. “THANK YOU so so so so so much GOD! Cant really thank you enough for answering my prayers, for giving me everything I could ever ask for”
5 seconds later I realize it’s time to come out of shock and celebrate. I screamed out in my squeaky voice, “MA!” Mom, who was cooking in the kitchen came in running after my scream, thought I suffered an electric shock from the computer. I barely got the words out “I’ve PASSED!” I jumped to the phone to call up every family I could reach, no matter how distant and which state or country. This was the best thing to ever happen to me. Spent an hour simply jumping all over the house, dancing and prancing like a monkey, with the phone stuck to my ears, talking to everyone I could think of. Didn’t know what to do, how to show how happy I was inside… too much to express and just a pair of eyes and a small mouth! This is what being on top of the world feels like :) Have you ever felt it? If yes, I’d like to know the reason behind it.
