Journey to the TOP of the Earth – Part 2

Day before the result. Too nervous to speak or do anything else. Running out of ways to stop thinking about the possible doom awaiting me and hoping against hope it will turn out to be Dhoom and not Doom. Spent the whole afternoon watching the movie Lakshya. It’s a good movie as far as the growing up of Hrithik’s character is concerned, all the while bargaining with God to make me a CA so even I can feel like a mature kid. If He thinks I don’t deserve it, then at least grant me one group, any one, just one. I just didn’t have the courage to do it all over again. I’d never have the same tempo again. One movie wasn’t enough. Went down to the neighborhood DVD parlour, got a 6 in 1 DVD, watching as many movies as I can, doing everything I won’t be able to from the very next day… if God didn’t grant me this wish…

I had to keep myself occupied so that I don’t go nuts thinking about what’s gonna be my fate the next day so I saw all the 6 movies back to back. Of course, feeding myself felt exactly like the opposite of a basic necessity for survival. The nervousness made food seem nauseating. Sleep was a privilege I couldn’t quite enjoy. Don’t know when and how I managed to fall asleep while waiting for the climax after a few hours. I mean mine, not the movies’

“God, please don’t make me cry, I’m such a sweet little creation of yours, I think giving the exam itself was a test in itself. Please give me positive results. I can’t handle a failure. You made me, you know that about me. Please, please, please….”

As usual did the 1st thing I do after I half-open my eyes in the morning, even before I put the toothbrush in my mouth, turn on the computer. I try chatting with a friend. Still can’t get the tension out of my mind. A few minutes were how far my fate was. And then the friend said the result’s out online. I still remember going numb at the drop of the “R” word as though it was the end of the world. Don’t think I’ve ever been this scared of anything. Took me a few seconds to get over the numbness and open the website.

Too afraid to look at the monitor as the marksheet downloaded. Opened my eyes. Group 1 – looked at the bottom of the screen, “PASS”. “Thank you so much God for granting me at least one group” :) Scrolled further down… Group 2 – looked at the bottom of the page “PASS” Suddenly something went wrong in my head like an unexpected output. I redo the same thing. Check again. Group 1- PASS, Group 2-PASS. I have passed both the groups. Scroll back to the top of the page and check the name on the marksheet. It certainly reads Chandra Sen. So m not looking at anybody else’s marsheet. I have passed CA Final. “OH MY GOD!” “I’m a CA!” Couldn’t believe I’d got everything I have ever wanted. THE feather in my cap. “THANK YOU so so so so so much GOD! Cant really thank you enough for answering my prayers, for giving me everything I could ever ask for”

5 seconds later I realize it’s time to come out of shock and celebrate. I screamed out in my squeaky voice, “MA!” Mom, who was cooking in the kitchen came in running after my scream, thought I suffered an electric shock from the computer. I barely got the words out “I’ve PASSED!” I jumped to the phone to call up every family I could reach, no matter how distant and which state or country. This was the best thing to ever happen to me. Spent an hour simply jumping all over the house, dancing and prancing like a monkey, with the phone stuck to my ears, talking to everyone I could think of. Didn’t know what to do, how to show how happy I was inside… too much to express and just a pair of eyes and a small mouth! This is what being on top of the world feels like :) Have you ever felt it? If yes, I’d like to know the reason behind it.

The Vacation.

Once my exams are over you cant possible expect me to sit idle at home or get right back into the rat race, which in my case has to be something better than rats, so lets call it a cat race… And with my brand new Canon Powershot A590IS which by the way was a gift from the US of A by my dear old friend Kalpesh (yeah buddy, the mention would have been incomplete without thanking you… so thank u very much for keeping the amateur photographer in me alive, that’s the best thing I could ever ask for :D) I couldn’t wait to start exploring the world around me…

Starting off with Bangalore… The best part of the trip for me was the dinner at Ebony. U guys have to go to this place and in the evening. And make sure u get a seat out on the terrace. The view of the city from the 13th floor of the building is awesome (Thank you very much Deep)

Next stop Shrirangapatna and Mysore. I was thrilled to be at the battle field where Tipu Sultan fought his last. And of course the Lord Vishnu temple. All I could think of was, “Oh God, please please please please make me pass the exam and I’ll be grateful to you forever.” Next was the Mahinshasur temple. Once again, “God, please please let me pass the exam.” After that, the Saint Joseph’s Cathedral. The same ‘church’ that you saw once upon a time in the movie ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’ “God, please have mercy, All I want is to pass. Please.”

Next stop home sweet home-Kolkata. It’s always nice to be back with the family, the cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts, grand uncles and grand aunts, the maids, the neighbours, the street dogs… did I miss anyone out? Talking of missing, of course I miss my cousins a lot. There’s never a dull moment with you cousins around… I miss you guys a lot :(

Up next was a little hill station Ghatsila, Jharkhand. It’s for those who are tired of the same old Digha and the likes of it. On the way back we stopped by an ancient temple, 300 years old. Once again, “God, please let me pass in the exam.”

Next stop Guwahati, another one of my cousin’s place. Had fun, out all day at a beautiful mountain-top resort, Bramhaputra Jungle Resort with family and friends. Don’t go by its name, it was the most beautiful resort I’ve ever been to. Spend the whole day fishing, boating, pony-back riding, ropeway, etc. One other day I went to the Kamakhya temple and of course asked Kamakhya Ma to get me through the exam in one attempt and make my family proud.

Next up was the capital of the state of Meghalaya, Shillong. At 0 degree my tiny little brain was too frozen to think of anything else and the hill diarrhea attack didn’t make things easier for me. Otherwise it’s a beautiful place, a hill station and the teens there seem to be fun.

Back in Kolkata I tried to make the best of every holiday my cousins had. Been to the Victoria Memorial Hall and the place looks beautiful when you’re out on the lawn, sadly, the locals converted it into a lovers point. I guess that’s inevitable for every historical monument in this country and the huge population *Sigh* Moving on with my life… spent my days watching movies at Forum Mall, shopping at City Centre, munching on crispy chicken at KFC, visiting the Netaji Bhavan-that’s Subhash Chandra Bose’s House. Spent a lot of time out with family and my German resident friend Chirag (in case you’re reading this… Hi Buddy!)

Next trip Krishnanagar, my uncle’s place, about 200 or so km away from Kolkata (I maybe understating the figures here) I had fun playing with the pet dogs in the lawn. We also had a big puja in the in-house Tara Ma’s temple. I prayed really hard this time so that I clear the exam in one go and make everyone I know happy.

The date of the result was catching up with me as evident from the gradually vanishing joy on my face. Wanna know what happened next? Wait for my next post.

Journey to the TOP of the Earth - Part 1

It’s been a really long time since my last post. 8 months to be precise. And unless you are an ardent follower of my blog you wouldn’t have been wondering if I were accidentally eaten by a bear at the zoo or drowned during a white-water rafting mishap or the more likely- preparing for my exam of CA Final-Attempt no.1. I’ll continue to update you of my whereabouts any which ways.

To be honest, after the previous post I did come up with a couple or so more poems but they were a little too personal to be made public on a blog. Sorry my dear fans! :P And apart from that I haven’t really been upto much else except studies which was kind of the last thing on my mind as I mistook my study leave for a long term vacation ( Please excuse me here God.)

So 3 months into the “vacation” the seriousness of the mighty exam dawned upon me. But then I was ALMOST late. July went by with a bit of sincere studies. August brought my badi mausi home. September brought along Durga Puja, the most important festival in the otherwise vain year of any Bengali, the one time when all you wanna do is go shopping with all the money you have been saving for the rest of the year, get new clothes, accessories, shoes and of course jewellery and then show it off to the envious aunties and their daughters from your neighbourhood or compare, conspire and compete with your family and friends to earn the title of the Best Dressed One on the evening of Navami... all in the name of celebrations. So you see, there is no time to study.

October saw a host of guests at my place almost forcing me to pack my bags and run away from home. After all it’s October and I still haven’t completed costing, financial management and haven’t even touched income tax. Only a miracle can save me next month in the exam, the likelihood of which seems remote. I decided to follow what Lord Krishna said to Arjun before he went on to the battle i.e. the Bhagvad Geeta, “Karm kiye ja, fal ki chinta mat kar” and so I did.

Oh did I forget to mention the Diwali celebrations? Firecrackers et al even at 2am. Somebody go tell those pea-brains that a few other wise-cracking owls in the neighbourhood have CA exams after a week. And if those owls don’t get through the exam then those pea-brains won’t survive to celebrate the Republic Day. And don’t even get me started on the series of illnesses – Exam ke side effects! And as the date of the exam kept getting closer my appetite kept on diminishing. I lost 5kg in 2 weeks that too sitting at home. Bet you’re jealous now. Well, don’t be. Rather thank God that you’re not one of those unfortunate CA examinees.

Finally the D-day was there, the day of the 1^st paper. I was all set with my writing pad, pens, well cleaned spectacles to cover up my sunken eyes surrounded by pretty dark circles, shivering hands, a dizzy head and wobbly knees. And it’s not just us, even the mothers suffer from serious hypertension. After the 1^st paper I was almost shattered. That should give you an idea of how good the paper was. The 2^nd one wasn’t much different. The only bright side (if at all there can be one) was that after 2 papers I had managed to get the nervousness out of my system but only till the income tax paper. Once that was done I couldn’t wait for the last paper to finish and the 1^st thing I do is hit the closest movie hall to celebrate THE END OF TERROR and the beginning of my super-wonderful-travel-trip-filled vacation. Wanna know more about it then check out my Photo Albums on Orkut.com and make sure you’re on my friends list to get access to all 17 of my albums or wait for my next post… See ya!

Catching up!

Hiya people! :D Its so nice to see you after such a long break. Don’t worry, I’ve been doing pretty well during the absence and not suffering from any kind of liver infection or allergic infections or cough n cold… Although I have been suffering from a fluctuating body mass index, but don’t worry, the standard deviation is pretty low.

Anyways, you see we have a lot of catching up to do. I need to update you with all the happenings in my non-happening life since my crappy exams got over 5 weeks back which now seems like long ago.

To begin with exactly 20 days back was my birthday, which by the way, I never got to celebrate on THE DAY. So instead I celebrate a Happy BirthWEEK!! :D :P That went something like this…

9^th I get a cute big pink cuddly teddy >>>>:D<<<<

10^th I get a lip smacking chocolate cake and a beautiful bouquet of pink carnations which I still have saved by the way.

11^th Oh The BirthDay! Wake up at5.30am, 7am I get a card and a couple of highly tempting chocolate pastries from Birdy’s, attend 4 hrs of Income Tax lecture, rush to my best friend’s engagement, eat my pastries, watch some panchvi pass se tez n cricketing rubbish, go to classes again n try to learn Simplex for the next 5 hrs then back home, tired and sleepy n its almost time for bed when an awesome big blackforrest cake arrives.

12^th A movie n dinner.

13^th Once again dinner outside.

14^th I was still under the birthday hangover… Can’t believe my Birthday’s gone!

15^th Okay my memory is failing me, so I'll stop here.

Anyways, after the Birthday hangover subsided, realization dawned upon me that I have to study for the next exam n I need to stop whiling away my precious time. No matter what those nincompoops say, time won’t stop if you remove the battery from your clock. You need to stop the earth from rotating. So who’s with me on this mission???

Well apart from the above I haven’t been upto much good except for making resolutions to study hard everyday and find them broken by the end of the day…

Enough about me… so how have you been?

A longing

You know its human tendency to overlook what we have and instead long for what we can’t have… and sometimes in the process you hurt others who don’t deserve to be hurt by you.

Here’s my next poem…

A longing.

Glancing outside my window,
I can see the moon shining.
Even though I should be happy,
Somehow inside I’m whining.

I hope it didn’t hurt much,
When you tripped at the last bend.
I’m sorry I couldn’t help you up,
Guess I’m not a good enough friend.

Try as I may,
But I still can’t be with you.
It hurts me inside,
That you still have no clue.

Wish I knew some trick,
To mend your broken heart.
I can just hold your hand,
If you try to make a new start.

Maybe I can’t get you,
The things you actually want.
But I’m giving you all I have,
Please don’t remain nonchalant.

I know how it feels for you,
Those tears also wet my eyes.
Just that no one can see them,
Like stars in the sun-lit skies.

How long do I have to wait,
For feelings to get built up?
Tell me, is the wait in vain?
Should I simply give up?

You don’t always have,
The things that you really like.
The lack just makes you blind,
Messes up with your psyche.

You ignore the gifts you get,
Tell me isn’t it unfair?
The love, the happiness,
Could be someone else’s share.

Someone who knows how to return it,
Who knows its true worth.
Someone who treats it as,
The most precious thing on earth.

You never know what you have,
Not until it goes missing.
Do u think it’s wise to spend,
The rest of your life reminiscing?

-Chandra Sen.

Scared to be alone.

Its funny the kind of creativity being pissed off brings out in me but I can never thank God enough that there’s also someone who cares for me enough to be patient with me and calm me down as well :) I’m not the best person to be around when my tempers sky high but I’m glad I’ve got someone who’s ready to take the risk.

Anyways here’s the poem that I came up with when I was feeling all angry, low, lonely…

Scared to be alone.

Such a cold misty night and I’m sitting at home all alone,
Need to talk to you now, but can’t reach you on the phone.

You know when its night, every sound seems loud and clear,
As if the silence speaks to me, tells me that you’re right here.

I’m feeling a little uneasy, as the clock strikes midnight,
I look outside my window, on the street, not a soul is in sight.

Try to divert my mind, grab the remote, turn on the stupid TV,
Reminds me how much I miss you, thanks to this silly movie.

So I surf through the channels, nothing holds my interest,
Sigh! “Idiot box indeed!” I turn on the radio instead,

I look for some good music, twisting and turning the dial around,
Can’t believe my luck, miss you more ‘coz of the song I’ve found.

Don’t know if it’s magic, or if Stevie Wonder actually knew,
I’ve actually been trying to call you, to say that I love you.

Its hard to be this lonely, don’t want to miss you anymore,
A sound disrupts my thoughts, a slight knock on my door.

With fears n doubt, running all over my mind,
I approach the door, and guess who do I find?

A tall dark figure, with their face hidden under the hood,
I wondered if this was my end, in front of me he stood.

He raised his arms towards my neck, could tell the time was due.
The peace I feel now in this clinch, oh honey, it knew it was you.

-Chandra Sen.

Things you'll never know…

Its hard to spend too much time apart from the one u wanna be the closest to... You wish for just one moment to be with them... but it just doesn't seem to be possible... and you wonder if things are right. A lot of questions in your head, a lot of doubts. It’s frustrating when things don't go your way and you can't have the only thing you want... Makes me wonder if we want it so badly just because we can't have it? One of the few things which are hard to explain...

My next poem is about some of those feelings that you can’t quite express, and the nagging doubts that you can't deny...

Things you'll never know…

Its not that I don’t miss you,
If only you could read my mind.
You’d know how crammed it is,
Your name is all you’ll find.

Its not that I don’t care,
But I can’t just show you how.
Coz our worlds are way apart,
Can’t be with you right now.

Its not that I don’t love you,
The words fail to make an impact.
Its not that I don’t mean it,
It’s just an unacceptable fact.

Its not that I can’t see you,
All I need is to close my eyes.
I can see you right in front of me,
But something inside me dies.

Its not that I don’t feel you,
You’re the air I breathe in.
You make me feel complete,
As you touch my soul within.

Its not that I don’t trust you,
It hurts down deep inside.
It’s not the things you tell me,
But the things you try to hide.

Maybe I’m expecting a lot,
Maybe I should stop dreaming.
Maybe I should get back to reality
Maybe I should stop living.

-Chandra Sen.